Writing

In Te Ngahere for writing we had a new writing prompt. our writing prompt was a photo of a shadow in front of a green door reaching for a padlock. I really enjoyed writing about this photo because it had a bit of a scary vibe and I like scary things. Maybe  I could make my writing even better if I focused even more on it. I think I did well on reaching my goals for this piece of writing. Whilst Writing this I also learnt a few new words that I can use to improve my writing. My focus in this piece was to be an R6 in vocab by deliberately and consistently using precise vocab for effect and for ideas I chose R4 by having a lot of ideas and one has a lot of supporting information. The way I have shown this is by having a lot of ideas with a lot of supporting info and I have consistently used really good words for effect. For example I used the phrase cold and mysterious was the night. Here is my writing. Please give me feedback on my writing.

Cold and mysterious was the night where creatures lurked and people slept. One curious little shadow in the shape of a person wearing robes set out on a quest to get through the haunting green doors of a small shed. The full moon shines on the shadow, the streets are dead silent the only living thing out there was the mischievous young shadow. Rumour has it that if this shadow lurks around your fields your valuable items are sure to go missing. Nobody knows what this little shadow is or who it is, they just know it brings no good. Quietly the shadow opens the lock emitting a small click. surprisingly the shed wasn’t what meets the eye it held jewels and magical items. Haunting eyes target the wonderful jewels of green, red, blue and purple but only one was it wanting, the cursed gem. Creeping towards the jewels the shadow picks up the cursed gem with elation. Swiftly back through the dead streets as quiet as a ghost town the shadow creeps back to it’s cave full of stolen treasure …

Swiftly the shadow jumps from light to light although it knows it’s completely invisible in the dark. Fear soars through the terrifying shadow’s body. Curiously the shadow does not like to go in the dark as if it wanted people to know the shadow is near. Wanted signs hang from walls and lamp posts about every 2 metres apart. Various amounts of people think it’s darn right useless trying to catch something you can’t even touch nor hear, so they think. Nervously  the ghastly being advances closer and closer to its home. No one really knows where it lives or what it lives in.

Shadow thief is what they call the mysterious being for  you can only see its shadow and it steals all valuables insight. Gem in hand the shadow thief almost reaches its cave. As it proceeds to its cave it sees the sun start to rise.

Legend has it that the holder of the gem can remove or give any curse, but a twist, oh yes a twist, the holder must lose something close to him or her. Which is the reason most people keep well away from it. People don’t know how it erases something you like but a common theory is it reads your mind and then with its power it kills the one you love or destroys the thing you love. Some delusional man gave up his innocent daughter’s life to remove his curse of a golden touch. 

As the moon went down the scorching sun started to come up, the town woke up, the sky was bright, the birds were about and people filled the streets but the shadow thief was nowhere to be seen. Mysterious as always the shadow thief was figuring out how to use the gem in it’s dark bat infested cave. He tried saying what he wants, rubbing it like a magical lamp and even throwing it but nothing seemed to work. Agitated the shadow thief shouted “I want my curse gone!!!” then suddenly out of nowhere a deep voice said “are you sure”. Surprised, the shadow thief said, “who was that?”. “Me” said the gem “who”, “me” the gem repeated. Finally the shadow thief realised it was the gem. In awe he uplifts his voice and says “can you remove this curse!!!? “are you sure?” repeated the gem “ah-ah-ah” muttered the shadow thief nervously . The gem repeats itself “do you or do you not?” “ye-ye-ye-ye-yes” he said. Then boom clash bang!!! suddenly it was all gone, the shadow thief was a man again, big and tall ,muscular, handsome and most of all face lit with a smile delighted of his curse finally gone. 

Forgetting the price shadow thief had paid he runs to his parents house to find them dead on the ground, pale, as if their life got sucked straight out of them. Shadow thief falls on his knees salty tears running from his face, he looks up and gives a great shout “noooooooooo!!!”. The price he whispers to himself the stupid price. His innocent parents lay there, life drained. The shadow thief mourns and cries a river “noooooooooo!!!” he shouts once more. The shadow thief talks to himself, “You shouldn’t have done it David”.

Dreadfully time came to pass as he himself David had realised his consequences. He then sat down in his plain coloured living room on the mossy green couch weeping and weeping and weeping as the hours passed by …

The End